Wednesday, January 25, 2012

My Love Story: "那些年,追我的那个女孩" ♥

Sometimes before i sleep, i will lie on my bed and do some reflections and there are several occasions where by this question always popped out in my head, "If i were given a second chance, would i have done the same?" I bet most of you people have thought about this question before right?
There are a few things or a few decisions that i regretted making and one is about a girl. Till today, i will still ask myself, "Would i have done differently?" and my answer is definitely "Yes". Since it's already in the past, i guess there's no harm typing everything down and sharing it with you guys.

It all started when i was in poly and in the same class as this girl. Let's just called her A. We see each other about 2 times a week during class and she is one of the few classmates that i talk to and msn in class. We then exchanged numbers and began sms-ing each other every now and then.

During that period, tag board is like a "must" on blogs as a platform for bloggers to communicate with their readers, so i had one on my blog. At the same time, i had a "secret admirer" on my tag board, always giving me good comments, encouragements and even scolded those haters on my blog for me. But i never knew who he/she was.

Until A told me, that secret admirer is actually her friend who had a crush on me.

I was quite surprised at first that A knew who the secret admirer was but then as you might have already guessed, A was actually the secret admirer.

A told my good friend, B that she liked me and soon, it was a known fact to everyone in class. It was not really an #awkwardmoment because i still treat her like i always do but i never thought of accepting her because one, i have never thought of going steady with her PLUS two, i hate to commit because friends are more important to me at that time. (Until now, It still is.)

We still continued to sms, chat on msn blah blah blah. Sometimes i would share my thoughts with her, she would share hers with me. During that time, i had a wisdom tooth extraction surgery and i told her about it and the fact that i have difficult chewing food because of the stitches. The next thing i know, when i stepped into class the next morning, at my seat was a bowl of plain porridge.
Another occasion when my hand phone died, she offered to borrow me her extra phone. She was using one of the latest Sony Ericsson phone and she had an extra Motorola V3 but guess what? The next day, she handed me the SE phone. I was like, "I can use the V3, once i get a new phone, i can return it to you" Her replied was, "You can take better photos with the SE, you can use it for blogging. I can use the V3 since i only sms and call..." Honestly, my heart melted.

How many girls would thought of that?

But there was this time where she playfully took my phone (technically, it's her phone) and refuse to return it to me. At that time, i needed it to contact my friends for break time. I got angry, slammed my laptop, packed my bag and left the class halfway. (Yes, i skipped class.)

Because i knew she was holding my phone, i asked rinn to send my number an sms, "Dear, what time are we meeting for lunch." If you know SE phones well, when it receive an sms, it will display the first few words of the sms. Well, it displayed - "Dear, what time..." Wrong move.
I admit, I was such a bastard.

No matter what, i need to get the phone back. So i went back to class and guess what? She was sobbing, but trying to sing and play the guitar in the next classroom. She had asked her friend to record it on that Sony Ericsson phone. That was her intention in the very first place.

I was standing at the door, looking at her. Hand on the knob, don't know whether to open it or not. She saw me, returned me the phone and i left the classroom. I later learnt that she learnt the guitar and wanted to play it for me first. Looking at the video, i felt really really guilty.
I appreciated everything that she did for me. So after a few nights, i decided to send her an sms, it was one of the most childish thing i ever did. I let fate decide, the sms was, "If you can reply to this sms within the next 5 mins, i guess we can try to be together." I waited and did not get a reply. The next day, i learnt that she left her phone in the car over the night -__-

Well, the next day i act like nothing happened. We still continue talking like normal friends, sms-ing without bringing that matter up.
One night, i went clubbing with my friends till about 2, 3am and told her about it. She was still awake at that time and she asked me, "Do you need me to fetch you?" Of course i did not accept it as it was already past midnight. She insisted on coming down to Zouk, fetched me to Pasir Ris and back to her house in Bukit Batok - ON A CAB. Can you imagine how much would the total fare cost?!

From central singapore to the east and back to the west.
I rejected that idea straightaway and decided to stay over at my friend's house in woodlands till the next morning then take Bus 168 back home. Before i slept, she sms-ed me - "I will be awake, if you need me to fetch you home, just give me a call." I did not call her.

Soon, we completed our modules and it was holidays. The class decided to open a chalet. Even though i was not really close with that class (i only see them once or twice a week) i decided to just "show face" afterall we technically spent 16 weeks together in school.

That night was the very last night we talked. She asked me to accompany her for a walk along the beach. We found a spot by the sea and sat down to talk. She asked me why don't i want to be with her. I gave her my stupid reasons like i won't want to commit, i won't have time for her because of my busy schedules etc. She said she won't mind but still.

I didn't know what was stopping me from accepting her.

Side note: I always feel that people will somehow will change after they are together. Before into a relationship, during courtship both will say they can accept each other for any flaws blah blah blah but when together, it becomes a different thing and forget mostly what they have said beforehand.

After the talk, we headed back to the chalet. As we were walking, i felt a hand grabbing my hand from behind, it was her. Our fingers were inter crossed. I let her be and held her hand throughout until she suddenly stopped and hugged me, not only that but she started crying. Oh my tian.

I felt helpless and didn't know what to do so i hugged her back and let her cry. After awhile, she stopped and the last sentence she said was, "You go back first, i want some time alone."
So i slowly made my way back to the chalet, told the class i had something on and had to make a move first and left the chalet. That was our story that didn't had an ending. We lost touch then.

The next time i heard from her when i was in BMT. She sms-ed me to invite me to her wedding. Honestly, i was quite surprised. I did not turn up in the end because i was in Tekong. But i did ask myself, "If i was free that day, would i still attend her wedding?"
I still have A on my facebook and i still has updates about her life. If you ask me now if i regret rejecting her that night at the beach, my answer would be Yes. Sometimes i would think if i accepted her that night, would we last until now? Or would the ending be the same?

A, if you are reading this, i wish you all the best in your future, from the bottom of my heart

Well, i always kept this story to myself and there are only a few friends who knew about this incident. Some said i was stupid to give up such a good girl, some said A was scary (?!) Now that i shared it on my blog, you guys also know about it too. I guess it's just part and parcel of life.